time of the season !

assalamualaikum everybody,

hope everyone doin fine...im good over here...started a new course earlier this week. Currently having a surgery attachment. Find it very cool !!! even though have to wake up as early as half 6 to be there in the ward for ward round at half 7. Pain in the ass !! but this is a CUTE ASS !!! the very first day of the attachment...went in for 3 surgeries !! what a blow...and a great thing to start off...i always wanted to be a surgeon.

Study - goin alright right now...got couple of MCQs b4 off for the summer...im so glad that i dont have any written papers after the one i had last febuary. So what im doin now is a little study for the mcq and THE OSCE !! i will have my OSCE in april 16th - 17th...well, the weekend before...i will be in LONDON for my class reunion !! so people...be ready to be my guinea pigs ok ! HAHAHAH...

before im off...just want to throw something for us to think about ! if u confess something really bad to someone what do u expect from that person ? or what will u do if that person take your effort and confession as a joke and said he/she have always know that?...what a waste of time isn't it ?

Time of the season to change !!!

Are you coming home ?

im hurting everybody !!!

long break as usual...not very good in keeping this single blog of mine updated at all...well this is how i like it...sharing when i think it is necessary !
this is so way out dated...dont feel like writing anything anymore...but this might come handy...for the sake of writing and self absorb, i'l keep this along just enough ok. So far life been fair to me i say. Got the chance to fly to Italy last december 2006. Cool place to be. Just the right thing to do after a long dreading uncomfortable long period of study of three most annoying subject ever YET so interesting : 1) Neuroanatomy, 2) Neurophysiology and 3) Biochemistry AGAIN !!!

when i thought it was a time to slow down...along came PHARMACOLOGY !!! Damn !! officially the last thing i want to learn...if i had the brain of the size of rat...it would explode dozen times before i can remember any of the drugs names...but it all over now...i never be glad that ever before...good !!! now just having my clinical stuff goin on...goin on cool...super cool...im goin to be doctor and this is the very first step really...im goin to be doctor...that probably lie under the title of the piece of crap that i ever heard !! cant believe that...

Back to my trip to italy...it was cool...4 of us...Rafiq, Aiman, Farah and me...there's alot happening...but i enjoyed the trip. never be the same if is not the 4 of us...snabish and snapping happen 24/7 but it is fun...i know them better now...i like it...secrets change doors as well. It all safe behind locked doors. Dont worry guys ! Lov u guys so much..

so, italy is much fun (but no gondola for us...maybe they afraid that the gondolo chaffeur gonna kidnaped me or something coz im so super cute and super duper smart and extremely good !!) hahaha....we had so much fun...chico time everytime...!!!

Now, life starts at 9 o clock in the morning...so nothing really interesting except that im gonna have my first MCQ on this new course and i havent study a thing for it...2 weeks left...everybody has gone started during the first day suppose...im just not in the mood yet..hahha...that's so not me..

Back to the dilemma...i think im goin to die alone...either im goin to be murder or whatever...(knock on wood !!!) but i had a dream last night told me that...im hurting everybody around me...and im goin to die alone...a scary thing isn't it ? but life sucks...gonna have to live it...
i dont really mind...i think it is happening right now...but not in the obvious...i dont think everyone will like me any longer...i've done some terible stuff...and if by any chance people knew...i think il lose all my friends...but i think il be ok...i guess! Terible things happen to every single one of us...and to me...but like i said to everyone...i live in my denial !!! I love living in it, makes life so much easier !! denial about my self, how's the studies goin, how innocent i am, how decent i am, how many friends i have...my financial...my family!! and whatever crap more that i want....i drowning in this freaking ocean...this is not a river in egypt anymore (i quote meredith !!!)

i love u....i don't love you...i love u

21 years it has been...

salaam,

25th October 2006...i'm celebrating my 21st birthday. Kind of intimidating sometimes when you think of it. Am i ready for the number? or it's a just a number. Try to get to my brain and restore that this is the new beginning but somehow it doesn't get through...i wonder? Maybe it wasn't meant to be...


have a quite interesting day today...Started off the morning with a text from my family and my parents...later in the morning AMAN stick up the birthday card up my mirror. Thanks AMAN. Before i'm off to class (BTW, i skipped 2 classes in the morning...hahaha) i received a card form IZY (which gonna be old in the next couple of days...28th October) from Belfast. Got myself to Anatomy lab for a piece of brain (u can't believe how complicated it is...) and then i found myself in the a dysfunctional lecture of Behavourial Science...huhu. This year was quite different from any other year...receive quite a lot of birthday wishes...It's so sweet of you guys !!! Thanks so much guys. Went to Sarinah's place for a open house and there i been presented with a choir of birthday anthem by the girls...thank you !!


Just a couples of minutes ago..AMAN and RAZAK (my fellow housemates...luv u guys) got me a cake(well not really a cake...but it was brilliant...i've always know that i'm living with brilliant people)...then Rafiq came to have a taste of my rendang and nasi dagang (Ajak yg masak...)

So far my day has been great...but the weather...it was so depressing !!! raininig like the cloud has suck the whole lot of the ocean...you'll believe me when you got yourself here like.

Lastly...i would like to say my highest prayer to Allah SWT for another year..to my family and friends...you guys mean a lot to me...Perhaps the next year would be a lot brighter and welcoming.

Selamat Hari Raya...Maaf Zahir Batin

Things just don’t get better…I wonder?

Salaam everybody…it has been a long time my friends…life has never been different to me. But it has never got me bored as everyday is full of memories and bitter, bitchy experience. Seem to be occupied lately with couples of things.

But let’s start with September:

• With full of distress gesture, I have to leave home after 3 good months of rest and having sun having over my head. I (or we) had a very doomed start in KLIA as all of us (well…not exactly all) have extra baggage in their possession. So, we have to unload some of our bags and then check in. It’s a bit frantic as everyone screaming for an extra room for their stuff. But in the end, we managed. After having to cross over 8,077.83 miles to the other side of the world, everyone seem to be tired and excited (somehow it appeared…) and ALHAMDULILAH I got in front of my 78 HP door at 3 o’clock in the morning. Aman was already here.

• Starting a second medical year (comprehend as 3^rd year in Galway)? It starts off kind of slow and boring, but as we proceed there’s a lot than what you anticipated. Things just got crazier. I’ve been bombarded with thousand of drugs name in pharmacology, peculiar terms in Neuroanatomy, and dreadful small printed slides in neurophysiology yet awful mind-numbing lecture in Behavioral science. But, there is something that I want to prove this year…and I hope this year is going to be a better year for me and all my friends.

• Time flies…September ends beautifully. No horrific blunders. Period.

• Hatred…seems to grow in me. I once heard people said that a person can be different from what we know they are. So I suppose, a person can be different back then and now. It just sad. It’s not that easy to make up for the unheard calls. It takes million bricks of sorry and full tank of humbleness. When will people learn? I wonder…?

October rise and shine…:

• Kick off October (September actually…) with RAMADHAN…hmmm…everyday life seems to be different…but it’s fun. With new beginning, life seems simple enough for now. My Ramadhan this year are different from any other year. By now, couples days left…hmmm…nothing change yet still.

• ONE DAY NATIONAL FAST…hmmm…it’s the biggest thing that I ever coordinate in my whole life…and it takes another enlighten down on my forehead before I can ever volunteer to organized something like this. Some people will read this with a smiling face…are you? Hahaha…again…I’m Qamarul as people know me…stone cold bitch…I don’t really mind cause I’m one…but given that my enemy/nemesis cross me and shove their hands up my chin…I hate when people benefits from other people misery…(as in the last post). It’s not fair like. I HATE THAT!!!!. To anybody who don’t work with me and the rest of the crew during last 18^th and 19^th of October for ODNF and yet still come to the dinner reception and suck up all the food…I wish you a very happy life and may you learnt something out from it…if you forget what is your wrongdoing …you are the STUPIDEST person on earth…and you can go buried yourself! BODOH!!!! I know it’s RAMADHAN…but I can’t take this anymore…its killing me…so now you know…I wonder?

• 21^st birthday coming up…don’t know if I’m strong enough to live another day? Don’t know still what I’ve got will be enough to put me in heaven. Happy birthday to AARON and IZY....may u guys have a wonderful year..!
  

• RAYA…Selamat Hari Raya…Maaf ZAhir BAtin…

Where do I want to go…?

Life is a journey…a long one…no matter what happen during the exodus, it has to end eventually. It is a matter of how interesting or challenging or how tough your journey has been (so far). The answer lies within us…in this deep scared and sacred heart…should we open up to another soul of how and what we felt…does it matter? Would it be different? Or we shall let it be a secret to ourselves…

Living life should be easy enough…to live every seconds, every minutes. Surprisingly, it was the toughest thing to do on earth - SURVIVING. We managed to live life, feed on lie, backstabbing people and laugh our way out of other people misery and death. Have you ever think of it…? Honesty is at the edge of extinction. We cheat everyday and it last a lifetime and the best part is…we don’t feel guilty at all…ever! Never want to step up and genuinely admit our horrific blunder. Does life have to be live on this scheme?

This place has been contaminated. I’m suffocating…becoming weak every moment…can someone help me..? I don’t know where to go? Where do I want to go? In or out? Up or down? How about my broken past… should I collect the pieces all by myself or just live on the remaining puzzles? Hoping that someday, someone will drop missing pieces as they pass by. Can the missing puzzles remain as it is so that it can be fit again into the picture?

Don’t worry anything on this post…not that I gave up on life…just pondering and wondering around. This vicious cycle are going to last more that I do…short and sweet is what we get…or make it KISS as we can…Crying help relieve the burden on our shoulder, to get over the unbearable pain, unbelievable lies, broken heart and sad and bad day…or we just can forget about it. I love to cry…alone.

My word is for my understanding (sometimes =) )…sorry if this whole paragraphs is a bit off for general reading and left alone for understanding…this is from the bottom of my heart…I take it as it is.

A love story…

Happy to say that I’m now in Malaysia…after a sick 15 hours in airplane…the agony is done….!!!! My flight was not that bad I would say…MALAYSIA AIRLINES have improve since last September…I practically can choose what I want to watch and there were a bunch of good movies (except for the Malay movies…they never will…I don know why…GUBRA…yakssss !!! MAIN MAIN CINTA…a stupid movie..!!! ) sorry if I’m being too full of hatred…but can help it…
Nothing much change in Ipoh since the last time I saw the town…still adorably small and sweetly preserved in its own vibe…hehhehe…so much love for IPOH…Galway pun kalah !!! hahahah…anyway…happy to be back…the JET LAG phenomenon got the best of me…I can’t sleep at night since I got here last Wednesday…and I woke up at 2 pm everyday…what a pathetic loser I consider…last time when I first arrive in Ireland it took me around 3 days to get used to the time and alters physiological changes in my body…now I would say that I’m been pimped and spoiled by the bed and ‘nothing to worried’ situation…but to think of it…kind of fair to me after all the strain and pain I had during the exam week…

My Brain is now empty I would say…nothing to think off and I got no plan at all what to do…or perhaps it’s way too early to do anything…anyway…I don’t bothered…but not that I’m going to sleep all the way and wake up when august end…got couples of things that I want to do…

• Balik Kampung… Go to Singapore… \
• Buy new Laptop… (if my parents granted the wish…let’s pray…is it too much to ask for MAC Book Pro…???)
• Go out with my friends (By friends I mean…Elias n Nash…I got no other friends in Ipoh except for those two…or perhaps Thava and Shu Hui…galway geng)
• Hang out in KL…I don know…
• Class reunion and batch reunion…
• Buy a new handphone…MUST!! Sick of that handphone…
• Plan things for my new endearing house in Ireland…!!! Love that house…

Before I forget…back to my title…ahahah…I just watched BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN…it was a fantastic movie I would say…it’s actually thought me something and I say a lot of people that GAY is not all about sex like it has been portrait all these while…it is a sad movie with a sad ending…same with all other love story on the street…it’s just amazingly handsome and delicious how love can shape and mould someone…anyway…it’s a good movie…I remember last time when Lutfi and Aini came to Galway…we were having chocolate cake (Belle baked it for us…) it’s me, Lut, Aini and Rina…Lut actually asked me do I love the movie…I say I don coz I haven’t watch it yet…and he was laughing…hahaha…our class is so full of secrets…hahahaha…

Leaving.............

salam,

Yesterday (29 th May 2006) i officially finished with my 1st year here...we ended it with biochemistry oral...which is easy and quite funny for me....but for some people...hmmmm... Dr.Nasheur was so funny...i think i laughed twice in the room because of him...hehehe...anyway it's over now...it was a good and i'm happy...couldn't be better.



As i have said...it has been a wonderful year that went by...i'm happy for it...i went for our last class party yesterday in CP...it was wonderful...everyone seem to have a good fun...never thought i be that close to them...it's just good and i enjoyed it...hanging up with Conor and John...they was hilarious...!! Yet so quite in class...my usual gang: Ish, Raji, Thava, James, Shu and Denita (Winnie was there as well last night)...was as usual..having fun like u wont believe them...but it's so funny watching Raji...hahahhaa...so much of her 'high tolenrance of alcohol'...hahaha...she got knock out...!!! hahaha....anyway she survive the night...



Got a chance to talk to Andrew...he was shouting to my ears...yea...being pragmatic...he should atcually...!! the music is loud..(not that loud atcually..anyway..)...we got 30 minutes of chatting in the loud music enviroment...thus,...i lost my voice this morning...!!! Never talk to him before this exam week begin...he was so nice to me...hmmm...Lourna - i cant believe my eyes when i saw her yesterday...she was so different...!!! I hardly recognized her when she dress-up !!! all the make up and glitters...hahaha...she so fucking different...!!! hahaha...Marie...hmmm....hahahaha...never thought she that 'wild'...but it's a good thing la...at least she know how to knock herself out...!!! (at least...)...Amanda as usual - hype and energetic...Claire as well...!!!



I don know either this is true and genuine or not ??!! i atcually feel sad leaving my classmates for good three month...!!! i don why..i think perhaps all the fun and u know..the 'bonding' that we have between us that makes it feel something (even for a slightest portion of our heart)...anyway i'll see them in September...!!! I'll be missing all of u guys !!! hmmm...it was a moment when i go to each of them to say good bye...!! i'm leaving to Malaysia on the 6th of June...roughly one week from now...so perhaps the feeling is not there yet...it will come eventually...all the excitement...!!! When i tell u that i'm sad leaving Galway and my friends...not i'm really don't want to leave...i am looking forward to 6th june...!!!

I shall talk to u later...!!!

surviving......and here iam

hey...it has been a while since last time...i can hardly remember when it's the last time i tap on the keyboard to paragraph my life...but i tell u what...there's nothing really happening in my life..hehehe...except for STUDYING AND MORE STUDYING...!!! hahaha

anyway...here i am...ready to roll a new day...!! just finished with my exam yesterday...it was a big burden of my shoulders...and i'm going back home on the 6 of june..!!! yeahh....!!! only 2 weeks more...(even i got my oral exam on the 29th...that doesn't count...!!! i'm finished anyway...!!!)

looking back to how i studied for the exams i just had...it was miserably pathetic..!!! start studying as early as 9 o'clock in the morning and finishes at 11 at night...but not i have a full round clock of studying...(dohhh....)...i do take couples of good breaks in between...having Ishwaree as a studying patner was awesome...!! motivating...!!! and yet challanging...!! she's brilliant...and love the way she put on her focus...!! i don know either i got influence or not...coz i think i'm still the same...the old lazy nerd...!!! hahahaha...anyway...there's a lot of interesting things happening though except for long dragging hour of studies...!!!

going back to malaysia in less than 2 weeks now...huhuhhh....!!! now busy with all the presents need to bought back to Malaysia...i have no clue what to buy for them...but guess i make it..,physiology is way thougher than this..hehehe...

U know what amaze me the most is...it has been one year i'm here...over in a foreign land...surviving...!!! i cant believe it...it's a blessing...I thank u GOD...alhamdulillah...it has been a short interesting year...i think i would cry telling you how's the year went by...it's just so amazing...all the up side down...all the laugh...all the cries...all the shout...all the cheers...all the happiness...all the goodness...all the sins...i guess i'm better this year...!!!

biarlah rahsia...

harry and...(nasib baik tak nampak...)

 

just go on....will i ?

assalamualaikum...

so many things happen for the past couples of weeks...i'm now off the hook of exams since last 1st Disember...never felt so great sampai takde benda nak buat except for tido and tido...rekod giler la bangun tido kul 1.30 ptg...hahaha...memang tak pernah buat la...hahaha...and i found it COOL...(kena sebut macam rafique sebut...baru leh terima...a.k.a. eddie GOL & GINCU...or aiman prefer to say GOL & BAJU KURUNG...hahaha). Cakap pasal GOL & GINCU...Aman dengan selamba nyer come to me and said the movie bodoh...hahaha...dia tak suka that movie...how dare..?? i love the movie so much...hahah..don't care...AMAN:whatever...!!! hahahha...(hope u reading this...)

Now...i dare to say that i finally found my circle of friends...i'm now particularly happy to be here in Galway...or Dunaras - Aman's Best Kept Secret...hahha...don't worry ok...my beautiful lips are sealed....hahaha...been hanging with aman, rafique and aiman lately...there's a lot of things la yang kitaorang sembang and shared...and it's likely to be secret...hahaha...and mintak maaf la ek kalau ada yang pikir yg bukan2 okies...

Looking back to 25th of October...there is so many things that have crossed my path ever since :

i bought an ipod-nano : hahaha...qama ni memang agak boros gak la sket...and birthday is good enough reason to enable me to have it...hahaha...memang nak music pun since i stupidly deleted my sound card from my computer and cleverly didn't bring the backup CD. Marah betul ngan myself...and that cost me 300 euro...hahhaa...first time hadiah birthday RM 1000...heheheh

i suck my quizzes : bunyi cam normal jek kan ?? hahha...been struggle jugak la all my quizzes and tests...tp result cam moderate jugak la...tak la excellent sangat and not that bad...but i'm not happy with it...every test jek mesti ada makhluk yang dapat perfect marks...jeles betul...i should do what Aman said...i should be a stricker...hahha...salah2...itu from GOL & GINCU...i should bomb the library...so tak de org leh study...hahhaha...jahat tak ? =)

qama makan babi...hahahah : this happen after raya tau...even worst time tengah puasa 6...on my very last day of fasting...baru jek habis anat practical...hari isnin memang class full la dari pagi sampai petang...then semua lari la nak gi makan ni...then nampak kat menu tu...Chicken EnGroute...pastu berebut la nak beli...sebab ayam kat college kitaorg halal...then Rina, Aman, Burn and myself pun beli la...bukak la puasa...then tgh makan2 tu...nampak red flesh kat ayam tu...then suma org buat muka pelik jek..then Rina pun cakap la...i think it's that thing...qama pun cakap...i think so...then aman gi ask the lady yang jaga counter tu...and memang ham pun...first time makan babi...hahha...lepas tu...for 2 days hilang selera makan terus...jadi vegan jap hehehhe

i love to watch movies : recently baru jek tgk Harry Potter ngan The Chronicles of Narnia : The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe...both are superb...looking forward to read harry potter books...rasa cam best la...and rasa bodoh plak bila everyone talking about it...not that i want to be in the majority...but it's me la...it's for myself...no other reason...pasal Narnia plak...memang big fan of CS Lewis pun...suka la all the books in the chrocnicles...my favourite is the 1st book - The Magician Nephew...best la...u guys should try reading it.

I went for a class trip : habis jek exam histology hari tu...terus memabukkan diri atas bas for almost 5 hours...memang mabuk...naik bas kat ireland ni..memang pening kepala...anyway...almost all of my classmate joined the trip and we head off to Killarney...and stay there for 3 days...it was fun...we did have secret santa (main tukar2 hadiah)...and mine was Joseph Keavaney...mula2 tak kenal pun la...and masa malam kasi hadiah tu...jumpa dia for 5 seconds and dia lesap....and that's it...tak jumpa dia langsung dah...hahhaa...lawak giler la...anyway qama kasi dia bola MU...hopefully he likes it...and my secret santa is Navid...he gave me a beautiful calender of painting...boleh tampal kat bilik batu nanti...hehehe...but overall on the trip it was grand...we played card until 2...tgk citer ring...and hang around together...best la...dapat la jugak kenal nama certain people...hehhe...itu macam masalah besar la untuk my class...susah nak ingat nama org...n kelakar jugak tgk org mabuk ni...=)

i'm going to spain: seronok nyer...next saturday (17th Dis) i'm going to spain...heheh...seronok nyer...this is my 3rd country la after ireland and UK...rasa seronok and excited sangat...i'll make sure la it will be a memorable one and interesting...hopefully Dia make it easier for me...
I missed aikido & i joined rowing - how interesting !! : On my way to physiology lecture...Ian - my aikidomate (at first...) stopped me and ask me if i interested to joined the freshers rowing team...he said the team a small guy to their cocyx...and i said i give it a try...and it was interesting la...but i suffer the 1st meeting..they make me run from college to salthill...jauh giler tau...memang jauh la...about 10 miles...nak mampus lari ngan diaorg...obviously kena tinggal la kan...nasib baik la ada Opie (my classmate) suggested that i take the shortcut and meet them at where we started...i was so thankful at that time...then i walked back la...penat cam nak mati...hehehe.... come the sedih part...since ada exam yang mencurah curah...qama missed aikido nyer training...and as a result...i was not allowed to attend the grading...sedih betul...tapi takpe....i promise to cover all my activities properly next term...mesti boleh...hehehe

That is much about it my life since i enter the 20th club...hehehe...rasa cam tua la plak...hehe..anyway...see u around beb...-peace-