21 years it has been...

salaam,

25th October 2006...i'm celebrating my 21st birthday. Kind of intimidating sometimes when you think of it. Am i ready for the number? or it's a just a number. Try to get to my brain and restore that this is the new beginning but somehow it doesn't get through...i wonder? Maybe it wasn't meant to be...


have a quite interesting day today...Started off the morning with a text from my family and my parents...later in the morning AMAN stick up the birthday card up my mirror. Thanks AMAN. Before i'm off to class (BTW, i skipped 2 classes in the morning...hahaha) i received a card form IZY (which gonna be old in the next couple of days...28th October) from Belfast. Got myself to Anatomy lab for a piece of brain (u can't believe how complicated it is...) and then i found myself in the a dysfunctional lecture of Behavourial Science...huhu. This year was quite different from any other year...receive quite a lot of birthday wishes...It's so sweet of you guys !!! Thanks so much guys. Went to Sarinah's place for a open house and there i been presented with a choir of birthday anthem by the girls...thank you !!


Just a couples of minutes ago..AMAN and RAZAK (my fellow housemates...luv u guys) got me a cake(well not really a cake...but it was brilliant...i've always know that i'm living with brilliant people)...then Rafiq came to have a taste of my rendang and nasi dagang (Ajak yg masak...)

So far my day has been great...but the weather...it was so depressing !!! raininig like the cloud has suck the whole lot of the ocean...you'll believe me when you got yourself here like.

Lastly...i would like to say my highest prayer to Allah SWT for another year..to my family and friends...you guys mean a lot to me...Perhaps the next year would be a lot brighter and welcoming.

Selamat Hari Raya...Maaf Zahir Batin

Things just don’t get better…I wonder?

Salaam everybody…it has been a long time my friends…life has never been different to me. But it has never got me bored as everyday is full of memories and bitter, bitchy experience. Seem to be occupied lately with couples of things.

But let’s start with September:

• With full of distress gesture, I have to leave home after 3 good months of rest and having sun having over my head. I (or we) had a very doomed start in KLIA as all of us (well…not exactly all) have extra baggage in their possession. So, we have to unload some of our bags and then check in. It’s a bit frantic as everyone screaming for an extra room for their stuff. But in the end, we managed. After having to cross over 8,077.83 miles to the other side of the world, everyone seem to be tired and excited (somehow it appeared…) and ALHAMDULILAH I got in front of my 78 HP door at 3 o’clock in the morning. Aman was already here.

• Starting a second medical year (comprehend as 3^rd year in Galway)? It starts off kind of slow and boring, but as we proceed there’s a lot than what you anticipated. Things just got crazier. I’ve been bombarded with thousand of drugs name in pharmacology, peculiar terms in Neuroanatomy, and dreadful small printed slides in neurophysiology yet awful mind-numbing lecture in Behavioral science. But, there is something that I want to prove this year…and I hope this year is going to be a better year for me and all my friends.

• Time flies…September ends beautifully. No horrific blunders. Period.

• Hatred…seems to grow in me. I once heard people said that a person can be different from what we know they are. So I suppose, a person can be different back then and now. It just sad. It’s not that easy to make up for the unheard calls. It takes million bricks of sorry and full tank of humbleness. When will people learn? I wonder…?

October rise and shine…:

• Kick off October (September actually…) with RAMADHAN…hmmm…everyday life seems to be different…but it’s fun. With new beginning, life seems simple enough for now. My Ramadhan this year are different from any other year. By now, couples days left…hmmm…nothing change yet still.

• ONE DAY NATIONAL FAST…hmmm…it’s the biggest thing that I ever coordinate in my whole life…and it takes another enlighten down on my forehead before I can ever volunteer to organized something like this. Some people will read this with a smiling face…are you? Hahaha…again…I’m Qamarul as people know me…stone cold bitch…I don’t really mind cause I’m one…but given that my enemy/nemesis cross me and shove their hands up my chin…I hate when people benefits from other people misery…(as in the last post). It’s not fair like. I HATE THAT!!!!. To anybody who don’t work with me and the rest of the crew during last 18^th and 19^th of October for ODNF and yet still come to the dinner reception and suck up all the food…I wish you a very happy life and may you learnt something out from it…if you forget what is your wrongdoing …you are the STUPIDEST person on earth…and you can go buried yourself! BODOH!!!! I know it’s RAMADHAN…but I can’t take this anymore…its killing me…so now you know…I wonder?

• 21^st birthday coming up…don’t know if I’m strong enough to live another day? Don’t know still what I’ve got will be enough to put me in heaven. Happy birthday to AARON and IZY....may u guys have a wonderful year..!
  

• RAYA…Selamat Hari Raya…Maaf ZAhir BAtin…

Where do I want to go…?

Life is a journey…a long one…no matter what happen during the exodus, it has to end eventually. It is a matter of how interesting or challenging or how tough your journey has been (so far). The answer lies within us…in this deep scared and sacred heart…should we open up to another soul of how and what we felt…does it matter? Would it be different? Or we shall let it be a secret to ourselves…

Living life should be easy enough…to live every seconds, every minutes. Surprisingly, it was the toughest thing to do on earth - SURVIVING. We managed to live life, feed on lie, backstabbing people and laugh our way out of other people misery and death. Have you ever think of it…? Honesty is at the edge of extinction. We cheat everyday and it last a lifetime and the best part is…we don’t feel guilty at all…ever! Never want to step up and genuinely admit our horrific blunder. Does life have to be live on this scheme?

This place has been contaminated. I’m suffocating…becoming weak every moment…can someone help me..? I don’t know where to go? Where do I want to go? In or out? Up or down? How about my broken past… should I collect the pieces all by myself or just live on the remaining puzzles? Hoping that someday, someone will drop missing pieces as they pass by. Can the missing puzzles remain as it is so that it can be fit again into the picture?

Don’t worry anything on this post…not that I gave up on life…just pondering and wondering around. This vicious cycle are going to last more that I do…short and sweet is what we get…or make it KISS as we can…Crying help relieve the burden on our shoulder, to get over the unbearable pain, unbelievable lies, broken heart and sad and bad day…or we just can forget about it. I love to cry…alone.

My word is for my understanding (sometimes =) )…sorry if this whole paragraphs is a bit off for general reading and left alone for understanding…this is from the bottom of my heart…I take it as it is.

A love story…

Happy to say that I’m now in Malaysia…after a sick 15 hours in airplane…the agony is done….!!!! My flight was not that bad I would say…MALAYSIA AIRLINES have improve since last September…I practically can choose what I want to watch and there were a bunch of good movies (except for the Malay movies…they never will…I don know why…GUBRA…yakssss !!! MAIN MAIN CINTA…a stupid movie..!!! ) sorry if I’m being too full of hatred…but can help it…
Nothing much change in Ipoh since the last time I saw the town…still adorably small and sweetly preserved in its own vibe…hehhehe…so much love for IPOH…Galway pun kalah !!! hahahah…anyway…happy to be back…the JET LAG phenomenon got the best of me…I can’t sleep at night since I got here last Wednesday…and I woke up at 2 pm everyday…what a pathetic loser I consider…last time when I first arrive in Ireland it took me around 3 days to get used to the time and alters physiological changes in my body…now I would say that I’m been pimped and spoiled by the bed and ‘nothing to worried’ situation…but to think of it…kind of fair to me after all the strain and pain I had during the exam week…

My Brain is now empty I would say…nothing to think off and I got no plan at all what to do…or perhaps it’s way too early to do anything…anyway…I don’t bothered…but not that I’m going to sleep all the way and wake up when august end…got couples of things that I want to do…

• Balik Kampung… Go to Singapore… \
• Buy new Laptop… (if my parents granted the wish…let’s pray…is it too much to ask for MAC Book Pro…???)
• Go out with my friends (By friends I mean…Elias n Nash…I got no other friends in Ipoh except for those two…or perhaps Thava and Shu Hui…galway geng)
• Hang out in KL…I don know…
• Class reunion and batch reunion…
• Buy a new handphone…MUST!! Sick of that handphone…
• Plan things for my new endearing house in Ireland…!!! Love that house…

Before I forget…back to my title…ahahah…I just watched BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN…it was a fantastic movie I would say…it’s actually thought me something and I say a lot of people that GAY is not all about sex like it has been portrait all these while…it is a sad movie with a sad ending…same with all other love story on the street…it’s just amazingly handsome and delicious how love can shape and mould someone…anyway…it’s a good movie…I remember last time when Lutfi and Aini came to Galway…we were having chocolate cake (Belle baked it for us…) it’s me, Lut, Aini and Rina…Lut actually asked me do I love the movie…I say I don coz I haven’t watch it yet…and he was laughing…hahaha…our class is so full of secrets…hahahaha…

Leaving.............

salam,

Yesterday (29 th May 2006) i officially finished with my 1st year here...we ended it with biochemistry oral...which is easy and quite funny for me....but for some people...hmmmm... Dr.Nasheur was so funny...i think i laughed twice in the room because of him...hehehe...anyway it's over now...it was a good and i'm happy...couldn't be better.



As i have said...it has been a wonderful year that went by...i'm happy for it...i went for our last class party yesterday in CP...it was wonderful...everyone seem to have a good fun...never thought i be that close to them...it's just good and i enjoyed it...hanging up with Conor and John...they was hilarious...!! Yet so quite in class...my usual gang: Ish, Raji, Thava, James, Shu and Denita (Winnie was there as well last night)...was as usual..having fun like u wont believe them...but it's so funny watching Raji...hahahhaa...so much of her 'high tolenrance of alcohol'...hahaha...she got knock out...!!! hahaha....anyway she survive the night...



Got a chance to talk to Andrew...he was shouting to my ears...yea...being pragmatic...he should atcually...!! the music is loud..(not that loud atcually..anyway..)...we got 30 minutes of chatting in the loud music enviroment...thus,...i lost my voice this morning...!!! Never talk to him before this exam week begin...he was so nice to me...hmmm...Lourna - i cant believe my eyes when i saw her yesterday...she was so different...!!! I hardly recognized her when she dress-up !!! all the make up and glitters...hahaha...she so fucking different...!!! hahaha...Marie...hmmm....hahahaha...never thought she that 'wild'...but it's a good thing la...at least she know how to knock herself out...!!! (at least...)...Amanda as usual - hype and energetic...Claire as well...!!!



I don know either this is true and genuine or not ??!! i atcually feel sad leaving my classmates for good three month...!!! i don why..i think perhaps all the fun and u know..the 'bonding' that we have between us that makes it feel something (even for a slightest portion of our heart)...anyway i'll see them in September...!!! I'll be missing all of u guys !!! hmmm...it was a moment when i go to each of them to say good bye...!! i'm leaving to Malaysia on the 6th of June...roughly one week from now...so perhaps the feeling is not there yet...it will come eventually...all the excitement...!!! When i tell u that i'm sad leaving Galway and my friends...not i'm really don't want to leave...i am looking forward to 6th june...!!!

I shall talk to u later...!!!

surviving......and here iam

hey...it has been a while since last time...i can hardly remember when it's the last time i tap on the keyboard to paragraph my life...but i tell u what...there's nothing really happening in my life..hehehe...except for STUDYING AND MORE STUDYING...!!! hahaha

anyway...here i am...ready to roll a new day...!! just finished with my exam yesterday...it was a big burden of my shoulders...and i'm going back home on the 6 of june..!!! yeahh....!!! only 2 weeks more...(even i got my oral exam on the 29th...that doesn't count...!!! i'm finished anyway...!!!)

looking back to how i studied for the exams i just had...it was miserably pathetic..!!! start studying as early as 9 o'clock in the morning and finishes at 11 at night...but not i have a full round clock of studying...(dohhh....)...i do take couples of good breaks in between...having Ishwaree as a studying patner was awesome...!! motivating...!!! and yet challanging...!! she's brilliant...and love the way she put on her focus...!! i don know either i got influence or not...coz i think i'm still the same...the old lazy nerd...!!! hahahaha...anyway...there's a lot of interesting things happening though except for long dragging hour of studies...!!!

going back to malaysia in less than 2 weeks now...huhuhhh....!!! now busy with all the presents need to bought back to Malaysia...i have no clue what to buy for them...but guess i make it..,physiology is way thougher than this..hehehe...

U know what amaze me the most is...it has been one year i'm here...over in a foreign land...surviving...!!! i cant believe it...it's a blessing...I thank u GOD...alhamdulillah...it has been a short interesting year...i think i would cry telling you how's the year went by...it's just so amazing...all the up side down...all the laugh...all the cries...all the shout...all the cheers...all the happiness...all the goodness...all the sins...i guess i'm better this year...!!!

biarlah rahsia...