im hurting everybody !!!

long break as usual...not very good in keeping this single blog of mine updated at all...well this is how i like it...sharing when i think it is necessary !
this is so way out dated...dont feel like writing anything anymore...but this might come handy...for the sake of writing and self absorb, i'l keep this along just enough ok. So far life been fair to me i say. Got the chance to fly to Italy last december 2006. Cool place to be. Just the right thing to do after a long dreading uncomfortable long period of study of three most annoying subject ever YET so interesting : 1) Neuroanatomy, 2) Neurophysiology and 3) Biochemistry AGAIN !!!

when i thought it was a time to slow down...along came PHARMACOLOGY !!! Damn !! officially the last thing i want to learn...if i had the brain of the size of rat...it would explode dozen times before i can remember any of the drugs names...but it all over now...i never be glad that ever before...good !!! now just having my clinical stuff goin on...goin on cool...super cool...im goin to be doctor and this is the very first step really...im goin to be doctor...that probably lie under the title of the piece of crap that i ever heard !! cant believe that...

Back to my trip to italy...it was cool...4 of us...Rafiq, Aiman, Farah and me...there's alot happening...but i enjoyed the trip. never be the same if is not the 4 of us...snabish and snapping happen 24/7 but it is fun...i know them better now...i like it...secrets change doors as well. It all safe behind locked doors. Dont worry guys ! Lov u guys so much..

so, italy is much fun (but no gondola for us...maybe they afraid that the gondolo chaffeur gonna kidnaped me or something coz im so super cute and super duper smart and extremely good !!) hahaha....we had so much fun...chico time everytime...!!!

Now, life starts at 9 o clock in the morning...so nothing really interesting except that im gonna have my first MCQ on this new course and i havent study a thing for it...2 weeks left...everybody has gone started during the first day suppose...im just not in the mood yet..hahha...that's so not me..

Back to the dilemma...i think im goin to die alone...either im goin to be murder or whatever...(knock on wood !!!) but i had a dream last night told me that...im hurting everybody around me...and im goin to die alone...a scary thing isn't it ? but life sucks...gonna have to live it...
i dont really mind...i think it is happening right now...but not in the obvious...i dont think everyone will like me any longer...i've done some terible stuff...and if by any chance people knew...i think il lose all my friends...but i think il be ok...i guess! Terible things happen to every single one of us...and to me...but like i said to everyone...i live in my denial !!! I love living in it, makes life so much easier !! denial about my self, how's the studies goin, how innocent i am, how decent i am, how many friends i have...my financial...my family!! and whatever crap more that i want....i drowning in this freaking ocean...this is not a river in egypt anymore (i quote meredith !!!)

i love u....i don't love you...i love u