fall u Coin on the right side...please

hi,

started on my psych rotation in Ennis today...well..it was a long day..but everybody is very nice and kind. Reminded me of The Moy View Practice - the best GP in the world - so i was telling everybody ! LOL. Started really really early in the morning. Get out from the house to catch the bus at 8.05 am + with power walk ! im not really a morning person ! we'll see how do i get on for the next 2 weeks..lucky enough i dont have anythin on tomorrow hence the late night posting !

they all buzzing about ticket going home...guess better spend it now rather than later...

things are going up hill since last time i even remember things are good. i think. im grateful. Hope things gets better. Im excited to go home ! hope that i become a haematologist (ish....) in June ! + research too...*not so exciting* *slowly clapping*

depressed depressed depressed is The Word for this week..enough of it already !



cheer up will you !

you're so depressed !

bd out

XXX

I'm fucked up !

One can only hope that their past stay in the box behind the closet ! But it's not the choice to make. Things are meant to be. It's how life teaches you a LESSON.

I feel hopeless now. I know now, if things are not yours..it will never be yours. And God have no mercy !

I'm truly sorry. Im really really sorry

I kills me not to be able to talk to my Abah and Mak now this second. Dont want them to worries. I hate this...hope i sleep it over.

Maybe i need to talk to them...Olan ? He's far away...and he knows...LOML

Wish everything turn out ok..that's the only wish...

Im truly sorry..im really really sorry

in trouble at 1 pm in the morning..nobody to talk to..to cry to..to call..it really sucks ! believe me

XXX

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears"

so I'm crying to sleep...

Clean Linen

Hola,

Spring is not exactly around the corner (defo not with the ribut badai outside). This must be one of the boring weekend. Nothing to do..takleh shopping !!?? yeke..well..there's online shopping..=))

Tidying up my room...totally need sorting out and some clean linen...

Life's good. Lari lari atas treadmill tp tak sakit kaki..and the cookies Raf + I baked was TDF xlnt !!

Call my Mak and Abah, Baya and Angah, Athirah and Alya (tu, wa, ga, pat, ma, nam, juh, pan, ilan, uluhhhhhh) haha..

Hey u in China..make sure ur ears doesn't fall off ! not so U-R-A-Q-T

Some people need to G-A-L !!! pulangkan sudu kat dapur !! t*at !

Happy birthday Baya !
Happy birthday Qayyim ! p/s - andak tak tahu nak explain apa beza syarikat ngan masyarakat ? LOL
Happy birthday friends !!

tt4n

bd out !

XXX

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them"

what ever...

hola

just a quick one !! I was nothing but nice to you...i sit beside you on xmas eve even when u being shady ! you are slut, but still i did not split...i had enough of your hot and cold !

so long !

u r really a piece of work !

effing u !

"i want nobody, nobody but you but definitely not YOU !"

OH SKEE..XOXO

Hola,

The misery has ended, here today for me at least (all my prayers to GAZA) @ 1300 hour. The 3 hours OSCE finally out of the way ! yeah..congrats to all ! Tak kisah la, miss splenomegaly ke, murmur ke, tak nampak scar ke ? sebut "there is no remarkable findings on examination" ke even the child is obviously sick ! haha..

It's definitely fun and memorable experience ! pump cuff blood pressure sampai tercabut la..hmm...sore finger from BM and the OSCAR goes to The-man-with-headache-with-marital-problem-tp-taknak-cakap !!! LOL

learning points - febrile seizure does not cause brain tumour mum ! =)

moving on psychiatric...we'll see

Have this weekend to myself ! Don't have any plans ! That's good ! Dessert party maybe ? maybe not ?

Anyway, enjoy the weekend ! I dont know that u're a SL*T !!

bd out !

XXX

"I want nobody, nobody but YOU" -credit to Nash-

two thousand nine

Hola,

Happy new year everybody ! Bon Annee ! hope all of will have a great year. Good times, X bad times ! let's all tell no lies to anybody. Say good things to people. Actually treat people well. (wawawawawawa.....)

let's SLOW down a bit OK ! jgn rush2 sangat ! nanti cepat tua ! =P

Q - quiet when u have nothing to say
A - Abah, i miss u
M - Mak, miss u too
A - Amar, moggy la tukar tukar course !
R - redux all the good things been done ! **wink

bd out !

XXX

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right"

Good times !

home again,

Manage to pack my bag and went away to Edinburgh - Good times ! Long lost familiar faces, same hanjing abode that they live in Dublin (with all the love in the world - no offence ok - LOL XXX). But it's all good. Gossips, Leona lewis - RUN - lari lari dalam hutan pakai baju gaun - pastu nyanyi nyanyi !! Loved it !!

EDIN was impressive. Love the city. Semek is a good host(ess) to us all. Cramped us all in his manor ! His poor housemate ! Laughing like mad people - like we always do. Vulgar talk - gossip - FIDO - hahahaha.

One of the best trip. Long hours on YOUTUBE.

Visit the Edinburgh Castle ~ FORT, the Holyrood Castle. Majestic view and of course SHOPPING ! Like mad crowd.

SEMEK, ANEP, NASH, SHAWAL, FIDOD - thanks for the fab holiday - not forgetting the GIRLS - (threshold rendah - alert !)

hope to see u guys soon !

broken doll out !

XXX

"...it is sweet to people to be telling a lie, it is bitter in the end"

O M Derry !

Survived first week in Derry ! YES ! It was the longest week of my life. Don't really have good things to talk about Derry. The clinical stuff was bad except for one or two people who's worthy mentioning. I learned nothing last week, not that I'm complaining but it is what it is. 3 places - NICU, Paediatrics ward and DCU - we're been thrown from one place to another looking for stuff to do. When you finally decided to go and take history for case write up, they pretend like they don't see you.

What ??!!!

The hostel - Nurses Home - was Ok. It has been a while since I've been in one. Remind me of KMB ! Well...Good memories. Students from Queen's were there. We click just fine. Did watch movies with them - Christmas movie (Love Actually).

BURN - we get well together. Like old times ! Kahwin je la Burn !! ngan awek ko off course...

Edinburgh next weekend ! Looking forward to it !

XXX

"If That What You Want, That is What You Need"

Going to Effing-Far-5 Hours bus ride-Derry

hi,

packing stuff..still thinking of the bus ride
last nite..still thinkning of the bus ride
i said to myself..u been to letterkenny before...still thinking of the bus ride
listen to my fav song..still thinking of the bus ride

hmmm...

Im doing fine

hi,

miss my writting space here @ striker ! it's been a while...
well a little update (it's going to be long b4 the next one ! haha)
life's good..doin peads at the mo...never thought for a sec in my life that i be happy to see
a sick miserable kids ! haha..more case for me to present !

miss home so badly..was talking to my mak n abah through webcam..baya beli new laptop !
ACER..uweeeekkkkk...ur computer can suck my shiny silver apple !! hahaha...Yong jgn kasi tau baya !
My nieces and nephew are all well and achieved developmental milestones !

went for a surgery career talk by all them surgeons and wannabes..
it's good..but how the hell do you know what u wana be ? i dont know..u know ?
i still fancy both..damn house md and grey's anatomy !!! now i dont know...
private practice ?? jd GP leh drive Audi A8 at 31 YO !! hmmm...

well..going to god-knows-where-it-is-land DERRY for 2 weeks
hopefully it's all good..
till later aligator
i miss u all !

XXX

i love my Mak and Abah

i know this would be the worst time to put up a post...but im tired of tilting my head down to all this books..eventhough i havent finished them all..talking to my Mak and Abah is so much better

this usmle thingy just sucks the life out of you.perseverance.perseverance !!! i dont know if this last 2 days going to change anything or add anything for whatever i did for the last 8 weeks !! hmm..but just wanna give whatever i can !

kesian for my mak and abah for they have to fast this ramadhan jus the 2 of them..wish i was home! and fast with them..talking to my mak today..(called them yesterday as well...that's how much i miss them) we talk a bit about everything..suruh my Abah doakan for my exam which i desperately need ! tawakal je la..i dont know if that word apply to me..hmm..but well i believe that GOD and Human relationship is neither necessarily be reciprocal in nature nor direct ! so let Him-without-sin cast the first stone on me not anybody else...

so im glad that my Abah and Mak is praying for me..not forgetting my tree in far land ! i sinking of you !

anyway..sunday monday is hardcore revision ! till later

miss u Abah and mak !

when you figure out love is all that matters after all...

forever is over-rated !

hey,

i know this is so whatever...but this post supposedly be about my wonderful trip to Australia...im working on it..at the slowest pace in the world..got a lot of pics to be uploaded. im so pathetic sometimes when i come to think about...what do i do actually when im online...i dont YM..my friendster is so last century (pics where Rafiq is fat is still on..p/s-babe, u still fat !)...seriously i dont know...Sirus Black seriously !!

record of my own...i manage to finished the latest harry potter book in less than 24 hours..impressive acheivement !!!! real proud of myself..like the ending too...! whatever it is..sad that legacy has ended...HARRY POTTER put to rest !

goin back to school soon ! feel a bit nervous though...maybe it change to excitement later...hopefully..got 2 1/2 years to go before i be called doctor ! funny isn't it ? i dont know...but u'll see more of my scabby medical school experience !! bet u..break down(S) ! will be the canon and spine of this chipsmore blog !! hahaha

so till later...my australia trip post will be next !!
i've been to AUSTRALIA !!! =)

time of the season !

assalamualaikum everybody,

hope everyone doin fine...im good over here...started a new course earlier this week. Currently having a surgery attachment. Find it very cool !!! even though have to wake up as early as half 6 to be there in the ward for ward round at half 7. Pain in the ass !! but this is a CUTE ASS !!! the very first day of the attachment...went in for 3 surgeries !! what a blow...and a great thing to start off...i always wanted to be a surgeon.

Study - goin alright right now...got couple of MCQs b4 off for the summer...im so glad that i dont have any written papers after the one i had last febuary. So what im doin now is a little study for the mcq and THE OSCE !! i will have my OSCE in april 16th - 17th...well, the weekend before...i will be in LONDON for my class reunion !! so people...be ready to be my guinea pigs ok ! HAHAHAH...

before im off...just want to throw something for us to think about ! if u confess something really bad to someone what do u expect from that person ? or what will u do if that person take your effort and confession as a joke and said he/she have always know that?...what a waste of time isn't it ?

Time of the season to change !!!

Are you coming home ?

im hurting everybody !!!

long break as usual...not very good in keeping this single blog of mine updated at all...well this is how i like it...sharing when i think it is necessary !
this is so way out dated...dont feel like writing anything anymore...but this might come handy...for the sake of writing and self absorb, i'l keep this along just enough ok. So far life been fair to me i say. Got the chance to fly to Italy last december 2006. Cool place to be. Just the right thing to do after a long dreading uncomfortable long period of study of three most annoying subject ever YET so interesting : 1) Neuroanatomy, 2) Neurophysiology and 3) Biochemistry AGAIN !!!

when i thought it was a time to slow down...along came PHARMACOLOGY !!! Damn !! officially the last thing i want to learn...if i had the brain of the size of rat...it would explode dozen times before i can remember any of the drugs names...but it all over now...i never be glad that ever before...good !!! now just having my clinical stuff goin on...goin on cool...super cool...im goin to be doctor and this is the very first step really...im goin to be doctor...that probably lie under the title of the piece of crap that i ever heard !! cant believe that...

Back to my trip to italy...it was cool...4 of us...Rafiq, Aiman, Farah and me...there's alot happening...but i enjoyed the trip. never be the same if is not the 4 of us...snabish and snapping happen 24/7 but it is fun...i know them better now...i like it...secrets change doors as well. It all safe behind locked doors. Dont worry guys ! Lov u guys so much..

so, italy is much fun (but no gondola for us...maybe they afraid that the gondolo chaffeur gonna kidnaped me or something coz im so super cute and super duper smart and extremely good !!) hahaha....we had so much fun...chico time everytime...!!!

Now, life starts at 9 o clock in the morning...so nothing really interesting except that im gonna have my first MCQ on this new course and i havent study a thing for it...2 weeks left...everybody has gone started during the first day suppose...im just not in the mood yet..hahha...that's so not me..

Back to the dilemma...i think im goin to die alone...either im goin to be murder or whatever...(knock on wood !!!) but i had a dream last night told me that...im hurting everybody around me...and im goin to die alone...a scary thing isn't it ? but life sucks...gonna have to live it...
i dont really mind...i think it is happening right now...but not in the obvious...i dont think everyone will like me any longer...i've done some terible stuff...and if by any chance people knew...i think il lose all my friends...but i think il be ok...i guess! Terible things happen to every single one of us...and to me...but like i said to everyone...i live in my denial !!! I love living in it, makes life so much easier !! denial about my self, how's the studies goin, how innocent i am, how decent i am, how many friends i have...my financial...my family!! and whatever crap more that i want....i drowning in this freaking ocean...this is not a river in egypt anymore (i quote meredith !!!)

i love u....i don't love you...i love u

21 years it has been...

salaam,

25th October 2006...i'm celebrating my 21st birthday. Kind of intimidating sometimes when you think of it. Am i ready for the number? or it's a just a number. Try to get to my brain and restore that this is the new beginning but somehow it doesn't get through...i wonder? Maybe it wasn't meant to be...


have a quite interesting day today...Started off the morning with a text from my family and my parents...later in the morning AMAN stick up the birthday card up my mirror. Thanks AMAN. Before i'm off to class (BTW, i skipped 2 classes in the morning...hahaha) i received a card form IZY (which gonna be old in the next couple of days...28th October) from Belfast. Got myself to Anatomy lab for a piece of brain (u can't believe how complicated it is...) and then i found myself in the a dysfunctional lecture of Behavourial Science...huhu. This year was quite different from any other year...receive quite a lot of birthday wishes...It's so sweet of you guys !!! Thanks so much guys. Went to Sarinah's place for a open house and there i been presented with a choir of birthday anthem by the girls...thank you !!


Just a couples of minutes ago..AMAN and RAZAK (my fellow housemates...luv u guys) got me a cake(well not really a cake...but it was brilliant...i've always know that i'm living with brilliant people)...then Rafiq came to have a taste of my rendang and nasi dagang (Ajak yg masak...)

So far my day has been great...but the weather...it was so depressing !!! raininig like the cloud has suck the whole lot of the ocean...you'll believe me when you got yourself here like.

Lastly...i would like to say my highest prayer to Allah SWT for another year..to my family and friends...you guys mean a lot to me...Perhaps the next year would be a lot brighter and welcoming.

Selamat Hari Raya...Maaf Zahir Batin

Things just don’t get better…I wonder?

Salaam everybody…it has been a long time my friends…life has never been different to me. But it has never got me bored as everyday is full of memories and bitter, bitchy experience. Seem to be occupied lately with couples of things.

But let’s start with September:

• With full of distress gesture, I have to leave home after 3 good months of rest and having sun having over my head. I (or we) had a very doomed start in KLIA as all of us (well…not exactly all) have extra baggage in their possession. So, we have to unload some of our bags and then check in. It’s a bit frantic as everyone screaming for an extra room for their stuff. But in the end, we managed. After having to cross over 8,077.83 miles to the other side of the world, everyone seem to be tired and excited (somehow it appeared…) and ALHAMDULILAH I got in front of my 78 HP door at 3 o’clock in the morning. Aman was already here.

• Starting a second medical year (comprehend as 3^rd year in Galway)? It starts off kind of slow and boring, but as we proceed there’s a lot than what you anticipated. Things just got crazier. I’ve been bombarded with thousand of drugs name in pharmacology, peculiar terms in Neuroanatomy, and dreadful small printed slides in neurophysiology yet awful mind-numbing lecture in Behavioral science. But, there is something that I want to prove this year…and I hope this year is going to be a better year for me and all my friends.

• Time flies…September ends beautifully. No horrific blunders. Period.

• Hatred…seems to grow in me. I once heard people said that a person can be different from what we know they are. So I suppose, a person can be different back then and now. It just sad. It’s not that easy to make up for the unheard calls. It takes million bricks of sorry and full tank of humbleness. When will people learn? I wonder…?

October rise and shine…:

• Kick off October (September actually…) with RAMADHAN…hmmm…everyday life seems to be different…but it’s fun. With new beginning, life seems simple enough for now. My Ramadhan this year are different from any other year. By now, couples days left…hmmm…nothing change yet still.

• ONE DAY NATIONAL FAST…hmmm…it’s the biggest thing that I ever coordinate in my whole life…and it takes another enlighten down on my forehead before I can ever volunteer to organized something like this. Some people will read this with a smiling face…are you? Hahaha…again…I’m Qamarul as people know me…stone cold bitch…I don’t really mind cause I’m one…but given that my enemy/nemesis cross me and shove their hands up my chin…I hate when people benefits from other people misery…(as in the last post). It’s not fair like. I HATE THAT!!!!. To anybody who don’t work with me and the rest of the crew during last 18^th and 19^th of October for ODNF and yet still come to the dinner reception and suck up all the food…I wish you a very happy life and may you learnt something out from it…if you forget what is your wrongdoing …you are the STUPIDEST person on earth…and you can go buried yourself! BODOH!!!! I know it’s RAMADHAN…but I can’t take this anymore…its killing me…so now you know…I wonder?

• 21^st birthday coming up…don’t know if I’m strong enough to live another day? Don’t know still what I’ve got will be enough to put me in heaven. Happy birthday to AARON and IZY....may u guys have a wonderful year..!
  

• RAYA…Selamat Hari Raya…Maaf ZAhir BAtin…

Where do I want to go…?

Life is a journey…a long one…no matter what happen during the exodus, it has to end eventually. It is a matter of how interesting or challenging or how tough your journey has been (so far). The answer lies within us…in this deep scared and sacred heart…should we open up to another soul of how and what we felt…does it matter? Would it be different? Or we shall let it be a secret to ourselves…

Living life should be easy enough…to live every seconds, every minutes. Surprisingly, it was the toughest thing to do on earth - SURVIVING. We managed to live life, feed on lie, backstabbing people and laugh our way out of other people misery and death. Have you ever think of it…? Honesty is at the edge of extinction. We cheat everyday and it last a lifetime and the best part is…we don’t feel guilty at all…ever! Never want to step up and genuinely admit our horrific blunder. Does life have to be live on this scheme?

This place has been contaminated. I’m suffocating…becoming weak every moment…can someone help me..? I don’t know where to go? Where do I want to go? In or out? Up or down? How about my broken past… should I collect the pieces all by myself or just live on the remaining puzzles? Hoping that someday, someone will drop missing pieces as they pass by. Can the missing puzzles remain as it is so that it can be fit again into the picture?

Don’t worry anything on this post…not that I gave up on life…just pondering and wondering around. This vicious cycle are going to last more that I do…short and sweet is what we get…or make it KISS as we can…Crying help relieve the burden on our shoulder, to get over the unbearable pain, unbelievable lies, broken heart and sad and bad day…or we just can forget about it. I love to cry…alone.

My word is for my understanding (sometimes =) )…sorry if this whole paragraphs is a bit off for general reading and left alone for understanding…this is from the bottom of my heart…I take it as it is.